Several months ago we were at an ice cream shop with friends in McLean that has a big tree out front. Alex loves to climb and this tree was perfect for a boy to get up high. And he did. About 6 feet off the ground and then he fell. Out. To the ground. I wanted to run to him and take him home and tell him to never climb trees again. Against my every instinct I walked calmly instead, I made sure he wasn't really hurt, I held him, and then forced words out of my mouth that I didn't want to say: Hey buddy! Why don't you try again to climb up high in that tree.
Because I know that over protection is not really love. It's selfish and fear-driven. It says, "You can't do it. You can't handle this. You aren't strong enough to deal with this." It stunts growth and confidence. I know this. And yet, as I watched my son climb onto the bus that would drive him away from me and to an unknown world, I wanted to shout: Home school is still an option! You don't have to go!
But I didn't. Instead I smiled (it was sincere) and laughed as he skipped onto the bus and bounced in his seat, all youthful eagerness and fearlessness. I felt proud for raising a boy who holds his face to the sun, ready to leave my nest for a bright horizon. I felt grateful, so humbly grateful, for my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the purpose of this life, giving me the strength to give wings where my heart, selfish thing, only wants roots.
And then I ruined all that by promptly going up to my room, closing the door, and sobbing into my pillow for a brief bout of self-indulgence well earned. I really missed you today, kid.
Because I know that over protection is not really love. It's selfish and fear-driven. It says, "You can't do it. You can't handle this. You aren't strong enough to deal with this." It stunts growth and confidence. I know this. And yet, as I watched my son climb onto the bus that would drive him away from me and to an unknown world, I wanted to shout: Home school is still an option! You don't have to go!
But I didn't. Instead I smiled (it was sincere) and laughed as he skipped onto the bus and bounced in his seat, all youthful eagerness and fearlessness. I felt proud for raising a boy who holds his face to the sun, ready to leave my nest for a bright horizon. I felt grateful, so humbly grateful, for my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the purpose of this life, giving me the strength to give wings where my heart, selfish thing, only wants roots.
And then I ruined all that by promptly going up to my room, closing the door, and sobbing into my pillow for a brief bout of self-indulgence well earned. I really missed you today, kid.
night before the big day...
We held a "lighting ceremony" for Alex Sunday night. We had 8 candles representing major steps in his life (school, baptism, etc to a mission) and let him light the first one. We talked about what he would learn and what we expect from him and how we love him. We talked about the path he would choose as he grew to be a man and that the Gospel and his family light the right way. Then Jeff gave him a father's blessing.
It was a great start to a new family tradition.
It was a great start to a new family tradition.
Old Fashioned Chocolate Cake with Stirred Ganache Frosting on my Grandma Boots' china
(Alex chose these dishes because of the "gold" that all pirates covet)
this was soooo good. email me if you want the recipe!
Waiting for the bus
Loves his new backpack
Hey. Hey. Check my ride.
Mom snaps pictures until the bus carrying her heart is gone...
7 comments:
Hi Carli; Great thoughts, and great milestone for Alex. Hope he liked his day at school. Your house looks great, and it sounds like you are having a fun experience in Serbia. I was always such a coward about letting go of the children, good thing they picked strong mates, or they'd never make it. Love you all, and wish you the best. Love, Laurel
Don't worry, Carli, I totally cried too today when Logan went to preschool. I'm such a baby, though I don't let anyone know that in person. You are one seriously strong woman!! I don't think I would have let Logan climb back up the tree if I had been in your place. I'm very impressed!!!
So happy to see that you are "normal" - and glad to know that you all have landed in Serbia. We do miss our association with you!!! The children look great! First child, first day of school is always hard - the dynamics of your home have changed forever and there will be other milestones ahead and you will face them, as you did this one, with the wisdom you so abundantly possess. We love you lots, Boyd and Terri
Hey! I want that cake recipe for sure! It made my mouth water just looking at the picture! :) I can't imagine Cole going to school next year. I'm sure I will cry. You're a trooper!
I enjoyed your post C and that cake looks yummy! Sounds like an adventure for you guys there right now. Bren started school too and it was...a day...I never look forward to the first days of school in most ways, but it is still exciting because the kids are always so excited. Anyway-it's fun hearing about you guys. :)
My little tummy is now a BIG tummy! I'll post a pic soon. Yes, you must send the cake recipe my way. It looks like you guys are having a ball. I love you new family tradition, the candles ect.. I might have to steal it. Loved the pic. of Ellie reading for the strength of the youth, priceless, socks in the fridge door, filling up rainboots. I had fun reading your blog. It looks like someone is having fun at school. What a cute "bus".
Hope you're doing well,
Jana
Hey Carli! This is Heather, Steve's gf. I LOVE your candle lighting tradition! What a special time for you guys!
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